The Opinionated Bastard

Nope, you guys have convinced me. I was wrong, and you were right correct. We do live in a corpratocracy; everything I do or say is controlled by evil right-wing media conglomerates like the New York Times and the Washington Post. That's why they're always printing articles so favorable to President Bush; it's all part of their plan for the global domination of the world by corporations. Because you see, once they can control every facet of our lives, they can force us to buy their tacky consumerist crap, like Britney Spears albums:

That will increase their evil profits even more, thereby enriching their shareholders CEOs. It's all a big cycle. I can see that now. Oil fuels cars, which enables drive through windows, which helps McDonalds sell more Happy Meal toys, which helps sell Disney movies, which owns ABC, which produces the news, which helps sell wars for oil.

I have been born again as a die-hard leftist...

What's that you say? No, I'm not going to join the Micheal Moore er, that is the Howard Dean er... socialist er... Noam Chomsky er... Activist wing of the Democratic party. Why would I do that? If I wanted to hang out with badly dressed, ugly fat guys, I would have taken up bowling...

No, I'm going to join the jihadists! After all, if it is true as they say on Star Trek that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. Then since Bush is obviously the enemy (CEO of a sports team, how evil can you get!), if I join the jihad, you'll be my friend! And the women are so hot!

Literally! Can you imagine what its like wearing that getup in the friggin' desert? It was 120 in the shade in Iraq yesterday. Wow, I bet those women are really really wet sweaty.

I have a few questions about the 72 virgins thing though.:

1. I had a virgin once, and while all that screaming and carrying on was kind of fun, it would get old after awhile. Can I get 72 women with more experience? (By the way, I was acquitted.)
2. 72 is kind of a lot, I don't care how macho you are. Is there Viagra in Paradise? Or whatever that one is that lasts 36 hours? (Sorry babe, only 30 minutes to a customer).
3. Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
4. What should I say if one of the virgins asks “Does this Burka make me look fat?”
5. Are there any restaurants in paradise who can accommodate a reservation for 73?
6. Women who live together start synchronizing their periods. Does that mean all 72 virgins would get their period at the same time? Are you sure this is paradise?

Hmmm... That last question is pretty scary... Maybe I'll remain a moderate. Maybe all you leftist trolls should reconsider: The enemy of your enemy might be your friend, or he might be a complete friggin' moron. You can dislike both Bush, and the terrorists, at the same time. Bush may be (gasp!) a capitalist, but the jihadists are just nuts. Getting our military strategies from Star Trek was what got us into this mess.

Besides, the world has done that whole thing where we admire someone who goes around saying “First, we have to kill all the Jews, because its really their fault.” thing, and it didn't work out so hot.