One disadvantage of writing is that you often have all these half-finished pieces floating around in your head. One of the pieces is this imagined invective to the feminist princesses I had a run in about a month ago ( 1, 2 ). Since one of the liberal guys was going to write an article condemning the Noise editorial staff for the whole debacle, I’ve been carrying it around in my head. Better to get it out…
Basically, Skunk, the reason the editors of the Noise decided not to run your article unopposed was because by formatting it as a fake interview, you presumed upon the editorial voice. Now being an editor isn’t really that fun the best thing about it is that you always get the last word. When you presumed on that last word, you presumed on their opinion. At the New York Times, they have a special room in the basement where they take writers who presume to speak for the editors so that they can beat them with rubbers hoses without the screams of pain disturbing the other writers.
Luckily, the Noise is not the New York Times, so we get to write about truth, beauty and art instead of boring stuff like how much snow fell yesterday versus last year. Unluckily, the Noise doesn’t have a room in a basement, or even a basement. Instead, they have me, the journalistic equivalent of the rubber hose.
So consider yourself flogged.
As a fellow writer, I give you the following pieces of advice:
Use the editorial voice carefully. If you had called up the Noise and asked them to interview you, the price probably would have come out about the same but you wouldn’t have gotten the verbal flogging.
Editors are simple creatures. If you want them to like you, check your spelling, proofread, and always make your deadlines. If you want them to love you, turn in your pieces early.
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