The Opinionated Bastard

Once Upon a Time in Iran, there were 4 army buddies all named Azim. One was from the country, and was a farmer. One Azim was always interested in politics and always said “it's who you know”. Another Azim was very religious. The last Azim was of a very practical bent, and didn't care much for politics or religion.

After the Iran/Iraq war, one guy went back to live in the country, while the other 3 lived in Tehran on the same street. All 4 prospered after the war.

A few years ago, the Azim from the country went to visit his friends. They had each decided to put up a fence around their individual properties. The country Azim went to talk to the political Azim first, who was standing next to a young man dressed in a suit holding an address book.

“Death to America”, the country Azim said to the political Azim, and then they both laughed. The political Azim introduced the young man to the country Azim. “This is Aurangzeb, he's going to be building my fence. Did you know the Minister of Finance is his uncle?”.

The country Azim wished the political Azim luck with his fence, and went and visited the religious Azim, who was standing next to a young man dressed in traditional robes carrying a Koran in one hand. “Death to America,” the country Azim said to the religious Azim, and then they both laughed. “This is Muhammed,” said the religious Azim. “He's going to be building my fence. Did you know he's the 16th great-grandson of Muhammed?”

The country Azim wished the religious Azim luck with his fence, and finally went and visited the practical Azim. He too was standing next to a young man, who in this case was busy digging what looked like a hole for a fence post. “This is Arsham,” said the practical Azim, “I've hired him to build my fence”.

The country Azim then went back home, and a couple of years passed before he decided to visit his friends again. Again, he visited the political Azim first. The political Azim had 4 lone fence posts in front of his house.

“Death to America,” he said to the political Azim, but this time the political Azim didn't laugh. “What's wrong?” asked the country Azim. “Woe is me”, said the political Azim. “You know that young man Aurangzeb I hired to build my fence? Well, he seduced my daughter and got her pregnant.”, the political Azim said angrily. “Then, when I confronted him, his uncle the Minister threatened me with arrest.”, the political Azim said, gesturing towards the few fenceposts with his fist.

The country Azim gave the political Azim his condolences, and then went to visit the religious Azim. The religious Azim had 2 lone fence posts, and his house was boarded up.

“Death to America,” he said to the religious Azim, but this time the religious Azim didn't laugh. “What's wrong?”, asked the country Azim. “Woe is me,” said the religious Azim. “You know that young man Muhammed I hired to build my fence? Well, he raped my daughter. When I confronted him, he claimed my daughter seduced him, and complained to the religious authorities. They ruled in his favor, hung my daughter as a whore, and seized my house.”, the religious Azim said, gesturing towards the boarded up house.

The country Azim gave the religious Azim his condolences, and then went to visit the practical Azim. The practical Azim had a fully completed fence, and the country Azim noticed numerous other touches around the house.

“Death to America,” he said to the practical Azim, but the practical Azim didn't laugh. “What's wrong? What happened with your fence?”, asked the country Azim, dreading the answer.

“The fence? That young man completed the fence years ago.”, replied the practical Azim. “Why so sad, then?” asked the country Azim. “I have to move,” replied the practical Azim. “Why? What happened?”, asked the country Azim. “Well, you know that young man Arsham I hired to build my fence? Well, he did such a great job that I hired him to do lots of other things around the house as well. He asked to marry my daughter, and though he didn't come from a very important family, he was such a hard worker and impressed me so much I said yes. For a dowry, I helped him start a construction company, and he worked so hard that soon he and my daughter were more wealthy then I was.”

“That sounds wonderful!”, cried the country Azim, “but I don't understand why you have to move?”

“Yes, well, he became so rich and prosperous that both the government and the mullahs told him he had to give them money or they would put him in jail. He got mad and refused to pay, and he and my daughter fled to America. Though he went there with nothing, he has become even richer in America. So rich in fact, that he and my daughter have asked me to go live with them and my grandson, Azim. So I leave tomorrow.”

The moral of this story is as follows: Iran keeps getting poorer every year, while America gets richer in comparison. That's because America hires the guy with the shovel.