The Opinionated Bastard

Enough already! I’m sick of the whining. Yes, Bush probably shouldn’t have been elected in 2000. I don’t mean all the nonsense about chads, no, that was just bullshit. Gore lost the count plain and simple. That stuff about only recounting the Democratic ballots was a nice try, but no go. No, I’m perfectly willing to believe that the people in the Beth Shalom Rest Home (i.e. Florida) got confused and really didn’t mean to vote for whatshisname, the nazi. But you know what? We don’t have psychic voting in this country, so get over it. Blood sports are illegal, so we have politics in this country instead and sometimes the referee makes a bad call. You can spend the next year whining about how you should have won the Superbowl, and lose next years games too; or you can come back the next year and crush them. There’s not a person in this country who didn’t see Al Gore’s new beard on September 11th and think, “whew, we really dodged a bullet there, that guy has totally lost it”. So get over it. It’s 2005 now are you still going to be whining about this in 2008?

And what was with the last election anyways? Kerry? The man who both was against the war in Vietnam, AND fought in it? You think Bush is stupid, so you find some guy who got worse grades and worse SAT scores to run against him? Who passed a total of 6 bills in 20 years in Congress, 1 of which was to change the name of a building? You didn’t like having a rich white guy president so you found someone richer and whiter? Meanwhile his running mate made Dan Quayle look qualified? Yeah, yeah, I know, the alternative was Al Sharpton. Don’t you think that was the problem to begin with?

Come on already! If the Democratic party wants my vote, they have to nominate people I can vote for. You know what? Making Howard Dean the head of the Democratic National Committee is not a step in the right direction. Neither is the fact that Hillary Clinton is the best thing happening in the Democratic party right now. Does the phrase “been there, done that” mean anything to you?

I mean, god knows the Republicans piss me off. It seems like the Republicans have this vague idea that the Ten Commandments should be law. And you know, I’ll go along with thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not kill. But honor thy father and mother? What would that mean exactly? Mother and Father’s day more times a year? Not committing adultery? Like I was going to tell the government? No graven image before me? Yeah, my house was just full of graven images. No the Republicans are nuts, but at least they’re going to let me own a gun so if need be.

Sure, the Iraq war isn’t going very well. Duh. Its being run by the US government! We could elect Buddha President and the war would be going about the same. So while I don’t think its “just another Vietnam”, Iraq is its own country with its own problems, would it be so bad if we got Iraq as a do-over on Vietnam? Then maybe we could stop talking about Vietnam. We went into Vietnam about the time I was born, and I’ve been hearing about it ever since. I’m 38 fucking years old we’ve had 5 other wars since then, its time to change the subject.

Yeah, Yeah, Bush lied about WMD. So did the New York Times. Everyone lies to everyone; my wife keeps telling me I have a big dick. (Yeah, I’m so fooled.) That’s life. You know what? The New York Times is still lying to you about Iraq. they want to sell newspapers, and if they have to lie to do that, they will. If you really want to know what’s going on Iraq, go out onto the internet and get the truth from some Iraqis.

You know what they’ll say? We hate the Americans, they came here and blew up our country, we hate the terrorists, they’re now blowing up what’s left, and we hated Saddam too, he raped anyone who couldn’t run faster then him. But goddamn it, you’re in it now, you have to setup a halfway decent government before you leave.

Yes, Iraq is this expensive boondoggle. But its not like we had a lot of choice; even the UN report (Hans Blix, remember him?) showed that Saddam was like Wild E. Coyote: anyone with a PHd in Iraq who wanted a new Mercedes just had to come up with some weapon system he’d cribbed from a Roadrunner episode, and Saddam would be writing a check to A.C.M.E.. Now perhaps if the UN weren’t bloated and incompetent, they could have been helpful and we could have avoided this war. But that would have required taking the French out behind the woodshed and schooling them a bit in reality, and they get so whiny when we do that. (smack Don’t sell weapons to crazy people smack Don’t sell weapons to crazy people smack don’t sell weapons to crazy people, even if they do have oil )

Besides, when it comes right down to it, when a bunch of crazy guys with towels on their heads come to your country and fly airplanes into your buildings, you’re allowed to go off the handle and invade a couple of countries to get ‘em back. Sure, Iraq was only tangentially related to 9/11, but we’d already invaded Afghanistan and all we got was a bunch of goats; Iran has too many people (plus been there, done that, anyone remember the Carter administration?) so that left Iraq, which was starting to smell bad anyways.

So we’re in Iraq. Get over it. The only question now is whether we do a good job (setup a democratic government, keep the crazy exploding Arab guys down to the level of a nuisance until we can leave, establish lots of permanent military bases so we can bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities in about 5 years), or whether we prematurely ejaculate and leave.

I vote for finishing the job. Yes, that means more of my tax dollars spent building sewer plants in places with names I can’t spell. But if we can establish a country with a halfway decent government, that will be half a government more then any other country in the middle east…

If you pickup an ugly girl in a bar, you still have to make her come. That’s all I’m saying. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.