Well, it looks like Hillary is going to be our next President.
You probably think its a bit early to be calling an election that’s 15 months away. The Democratic primaries don’t even start until January 22, January 14th if you count the caucuses.
Dream on. The moment Hillary announced, she had the nomination in the bag. As of the first day of her campaign Hillary started with 20% of the delegates. No, wait, I forgot, she’ll obviously get New York’s delegates. She started with 25% of the delegates.
She only needs 50%.
The math works like this: The Democratic party have these things called “super-delegates”. A super-delegate is any national elected Democratic official, state party leaders, party hacks, and former Presidents. Hillary has spent the last 6 years either kissing up to them, raising money for them, or married to one of them. Despite their name, “unpledged delegates”, Hillary has bought and paid for those delegates. Hillary is the number two fundraiser in the Democratic party, and the number one fundraiser? Bill.
So what’s all this fuss about Obama then?
Deadlines. The political press has to write about something for the next 20 months. Of course, just because she gets the Democratic nomination doesn’t mean she’ll win the presidency.
Or does it? There’s only one demographic group that seems at all skeptical of Hillary’s ability to win the nomination:
Married White Males
Even Married White Male Hippies cringe when they think about President Hillary. I’ve thought about this, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because Hillary reminds us of our wives. But not the happy wife that bakes us cookies, calls us Sweetheart, and kisses our forehead while we’re sitting in a chair reading the paper on Sunday. No when we think of President Hillary, we think of the evil wife. The wife that is mad at you because you forgot to take out the trash, or put down the toilet seat, or whichever one of those one million things you’re supposed to do but always forget. That wife. The wife that you just know has some secret evil plan in her head for revenge.
Hillary looks like our wives at their scariest, and she looks like that all the time. Doesn’t matter though. White Males don’t run this country, White Females do. White Females outvote White Males by 54% to 46%.
The demographics work out like this against say, Guiliani the former mayor of New York.
Hillary will get about 90% of the Black vote, 67% Hispanic of the Hispanic vote, 33% of the White Male vote, but 66% of the White Female vote, giving her 57% of the popular vote. In the electoral college? A landslide, possibly even a 50-state landslide.
The reality is that the only person who can stop Hillary is well, Bill. Bill’s health isn’t so good these days, so the chances of the press catching him with an entire girl scout troop, which is about about what it would take to derail the Hillarydozer is about nil.
Which is a bit scary for me, because despite her carefully crafted image as a moderate, Hillary’s voting record makes Ralph Nader look like Richard Nixon. Of course, she is the Senator from New York so perhaps she’s merely reflecting her constituency, but her image as a moderate has chiefly been crafted by the fact that sometimes, when it doesn’t matter, she’ll appear in the same room as a Republican! It seems that just being in the same room as a member of the other party passes for “bipartisanship” and “moderation” these days. Meanwhile, she’s said things like: We just can’t trust the American people to make those types of choices…. Government has to make those choices for people
We’re going to have to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.
Don’t even get me started on what she did the last time she was in the White House, and acting as Bill’s hatchet-man. Whenever I want to scare a Republican who is defending President Bush’s use of domestic wiretapping, it just takes two words: President Hillary. It scares Republicans in the same way you can use President Nixon to scare Democrats, and for much the same reason.
Ok, but maybe one other person can stop Hillary. Condoleeza Rice. With Condi in the race, the demographics work out like this: 50% Black, 67% Hispanic, 33% White Male, 50% White Female = 45% of the popular vote for Hillary, 55% for Condi. One catch. Condi isn’t running. She hasn’t given the Sherman pledge, named after General Sherman: “If nominated, I refuse to run. If elected, I refuse to serve”. In fact, she refused to give the pledge, she’s merely stated that she has enough work to do as Secretary of State.
Which is true enough. The only way Condi could get elected at this point would be if the War in Iraq showed radical improvement, which would only happen if she devoted 100% of her energy to helping fix it. It could happen though, as the “surge” seems to be going well. (Interestingly enough, despite the media coverage, we haven’t sent more troops to Iraq, we’ve merely redeployed the ones that were already there.) But I doubt that will happen in time.
So I leave you with this:
 Resistance is Futile. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our collective. You will adapt to service us. This is the Opinionated Bastard, warning you all: praise the Borg Queen, or suffer her wrath. Because starting Jan 20th, 2009, there will be only two types of Americans; Hillary’s servants, and members of the Vast-Right-Wing-Conspiracy. (You know, people who want to make a profit, own a gun, or pay less taxes; those scum). But fear not, because it takes a village, and our beloved Queen will re-educate them to the glories of the Collective in special concentration camps villages she’ll set aside in one of those “flyover” states. Like say, Arizona…
The Borg are a registered trademark of the Democratic Party Paramount. Used without permission.
