Back in May, I wrote a piece called Goose Stepping Hippies where I made fun of one of our local health food stores for being overly anal about the use of their parking lot. I thought it was particularly bad on their part, because as a customer of that store, I knew that more often then not, it was the health food store’s customers who were parking at the bookstore, not the reverse. The only time there are more then 3 people in that bookstore normally is the 3 times a year students are trading in their old textbooks for pizza cash.
Unfortunately, my smacking them around didn’t have the desired effect. If anything, things have escalated. Now if you go to the health food store they’ll warn you that if you didn’t park in their particular section of the conjoined parking lot, your car might get booted and towed. In other words, they’ve resorted to WAD, Weapons of Automotive Detention.
Presumably what is going to happen next is that they are going to paint borders on the parking lot. There will be the “bookstore zone”, the “gas station zone”, and the “health food zone”. Border guards and checkpoints will come next, followed by peace keeping troops after tensions break out between the people buying Slim Jims™ at the convenience store and the vegans.
Yep, I can see it all now. We’ll have to have a United Lots or UL, with a Parking Council made up of ambassadors from each business. Then if customers from one business “invade” the parking lot of the other business, the “Parking Council” can institute “sanctions”.
Of course someone will violate those sanctions (probably people who need both gas for their car and granola for their tummy). This will no doubt lead to some parking log superpower like say, WalMart™, invading the gas station in order to make the world safe for shopping.
Or maybe everyone could just lighten up. Because its not just these three businesses either. It seems like every business in town has peed on certain parking spaces while other businesses have peed on others. Whenever I go shopping at a local business its like playing Monopoly™ except I never seem to get $200 for passing Go.
Some businesses, like the place where I had coffee this morning not only are insisting that only “their” customers park in “their” parking spaces, but now have conditions! According to their new sign, they would rather people not use their parking lot for car pooling, car repair, skiing, and a couple of other things. I can understand them asking nicely that people not use their parking lot as a “Park-N-Ride” service (profit before the environment after all), but it seems to me that if your car breaks down, unless you have magical teleportation powers, you’re going to have to fix it where it lies. Though the prohibition against skiing confuses me, given that the sign is new, its summer, and the sign is hand lettered so it won’t last until winter…
For all that it has become the mission in life of the Daily Sun (our local crappy Pulitzer-owned paper) to rag on WalMart at every opportunity, I notice that they aren’t particularly anal about their parking lots. In fact, come to think of it, every major corporation in town is fairly relaxed about their parking. The exception would be the banks downtown, but only during business hours from what I’ve seen. In fact, I generally won’t go downtown until after the banks close just for that reason.
Perhaps the small businesses in town could learn something from the big businesses in town. It’s not your parking lot. It’s our parking lot, because we're the customers. We give you money, and you do what we say. That’s the way it works. If you want to start giving us money, we’ll think about doing what you say. But until then, lighten up, and stop telling us what to do. We’ll park where we damn well please, and if you don’t like it, we’ll be more then happy to stop doing business with you.
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